One year ago I made a choice that I never thought would happen, I became a Christian. In that time I have learned that it is possible to be a passionate, gutsy, outspoken women while following Christ.
Yes, I am a liberal democrat. Even a bit of a feminist.
Jesus loves us too.
In this past year I have started a career, met the man of my dreams and thought about my future for the first time in my life.
Here is my adventure as I enter the next chapter.
What can I say...It's Thursday.
Working late Wednesday night and early this morning, I arrived home tonight scatter brained and with no idea what to make for dinner.
I am attempting to empty out the pantry and fridge.
Taking inventory of the kitchen, the conclusion was made that "This is why the rest of the world hates us".
While I joke that I am preparing for a zombie apocalypse, reality is, no 2 people need this much food.
First step and tip to save money while attempting to clean out ones fridge and prevent waste:
Pick an ingredient. Any ingredient.
Ok... Chances are you aren't concerned about wasting salt, flour, sugar, garlic...So be creative!
I had leeks on hand that I wanted to use up.
www.allrecipes.com has a search by ingredient feature, or simply google it.
Second? Find what else you have excess of and work it into the recipes.
Learning to substitute is the best thing you can do.
Why go out and spend money on leeks, when you have scallions or green onion at home?
If the recipe calls for elbow pasta, go ahead, live it up and use bow tie!
My strange assortment of:
Leeks
1/3 a bottle of white wine in the fridge
A few slices of bacon
Mushrooms
Cherry tomatoes
Almond milk
All needed to be used within the next few days.
Saute, add butter and flour to thicken and create a roux, sprinkle in some salt, pepper, nutmeg (yes, it is delicious in cream sauces) and toss with elbow macaroni.
There you have it.
We are living frugal, and avoiding the dreaded Kraft "blue box"
I successfully used up the ingredients in my fridge, and avoided a stop by the store to spend another $20 on food for one meal.
Being a "foodie", spending too much on groceries has always been my vice.
I have cut back my clothing budget to next to nothing and have survived. Although I "splurged" on a tank top for $5 at Target. I stopped buying the occasional end-cap lipgloss that inevitably goes through the wash, and look at me, I am still breathing.
I call the kitchen "my happy place". It is one of few creative outlets in life that is required to live.
So I did it. I set a seemingly unrealistic grocery budget.
$50 a week.
Seeing as I adore fancy exotic veggies (Yes I have spent $8 on 2 artichokes) wine, cheeses, I squeal when I see squid ink pasta sold at Whole Foods...Well, it seemed unfathomable.
Poking around blogs I was shocked to see that the majority of blog posts on eating on $50 for the week were done by women who often had families of 6 or more. Well...It's just me and James...but we weren't exactly willing to eat Kraft Mac and Cheese every night.
Amazingly enough, the same day I reached this budgeting decision, a coworker told me about saving money at Aldi, another coworker offered to hook me up with bread.
Our society embraces an attitude of "spend what you have, charge what you don't".
Living frugally has been eye opening. I have become so aware of waste, excess and finding new ways to avoid it.
There seems to be a level of status involved in spending more for something just because you can.
Well, this week I am at $67 including veggies from the co-op. It's getting towards the end of the week, but there are few things I love more than being in the kitchen with a challenge.
So the adventure begins, I have started a vacation fund, and look forward to paying off my car.
If I can cut back on waste, save my money for things that are fun, and have a chance to be creative in the kitchen...Well...I accept this challenge whole heatedly!
I am a married woman. Officially. I feel the same. Married, but the same. Is this a problem?
All around me I have been asked:
"AREN'T YOU SO HAPPY ALL THE TIME NOW?!?!"
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED?!?!"
I don't think men get this question...but there is ALOT of pressure in the response. I once said "It's pretty good" and got the reaction of sheer terror and shock. Pretty good is apparently not good enough.
The emotional roller coaster that is my life continues while I try to make sense of it
all. My sadness for those without a voice, the anger over injustices...yup, still all there.
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't know why. Other times I am joyful, worried, angry, scared, hungry.... I am Emilie, and I like her.
While I rejoice at having a wonderful partner that loves, supports, listens, enjoys my cooking, at the end of the day, whether I am happy or not all comes down to if I love myself.
While I believe it's possible to meet that one person and only ever be in a relationship with that person...
I am so thankful that I have learned this lesson for myself and can try not to repeat it. Relationships are great, marriage/partnerships are wonderful, but if you hate who you see in the mirror, the only person who can fix that is yourself (and maybe your therapist).
So it goes...The belief that married = happy, single = sitting at home with a carton of ice cream.
You know... I have known some pretty miserable marrieds...
I am looking forward to husband getting off work in a half hour, but would kind of love some pistachio gelato right now as I lounge in bed with my laptop and some Badly Drawn Boy.
Speaking of BDB and uncontrollable weeping...LISTEN!!!!
TEAR! This song gets me every time.
I spent what was supposed to be a romantic getaway weekend at Disney getting sick. Yuck! I am done being dizzy and am able to look at a computer screen without feeling woozy for the first time in days.
Last night was 4 hours of tossing and turning thanks to antibiotic induced insomnia.
So today I slept in, cleaned, made some food for the week, kept telling myself to rest and to stop doing chores.
And then I read the news and watched a few documentaries on Netflix.... DUN DUN DUN!!!!
Yes, it leads to feistiness, it leads to tears for something I can do practically nothing about. But I don't understand how I am not supposed to weep for those who are robbed of their rights.
Being in a loving/healthy relationship has renewed my sorrow for those who can not marry and that there are still groups of people out there fighting to strip human beings of their dignity and self worth.
I cry because women who go to planned parenthood for preventative care are hookers in the eyes of influential TV ummm entertainer? I cry because my CHRISTian brothers and sisters are spending their weekends thinking up new ways to spread hate instead of acceptance and the true meaning of Christ and the church. I cry for the girls raised in patriarchal families who are told they have no role or meaning in life other than to marry and reproduce.
I read a comment on one story that said "If conservative Christians are saying they will choose to call gays 'sodomites' and 'anti-Christians' because it does not imply that they deserve rights like the term gay, I choose to call them xtians because they do not deserve the name of Christ in their title."
Well.... I cry because no matter what I believe on these topics, I understand that each individual is allowed their opinion...No matter how biased, judgmental or wacky their beliefs may seem to me, if I condemn based on others views I am no better myself.
Because, you know what.... I can guarantee that someone might stumble upon this and think I am going to burn in hell, and I am ok with that. I am ok with me, pleased with my life, and content in my beliefs.
So I suppose I should shut up and answer the question...
OF COURSE I AM HAPPY! I have never been happier than to know I get to spend the rest of my days with the love of my life, best friend, and co-writer of a kick ass folk song about a serial killer chainsaw artist.
Yup, See that, no longer trying to conquer the world on my own.
As long as there is a hand to hold... I know there is someone there to hold me, lift me up and support me.
Shopping used to be my hobby.
I used to get a thrill from spending money on well...anything.
Last year for Lent I gave up unnecessary spending.
This should have been easy last year because I had just started working full time, and had been struggling with part time employment, only working 19 hours part time at the library.
Even with my limited means, giving up the stress reliever of shopping was excruciating.
I am the queen of Target.
Yes I know...Target donated to political candidates that are anti-gay rights...But I can't shop at Walmart for other political reasons, have a guilty conscience for going to Publix for groceries due to their abuse of migrant workers, and I get terrible mall related anxiety...so basically my options are pretty limited.
Aaaaanyways, I digress.
Target. It is my happy place.
$5 can get you a shirt on clearance
a new nail polish color
some delicious Archer Farms trail mix.
The list goes on.
During one of the lowest points in my life, I lived across the street from a Target. I found myself spending at least $50 a day on random odds and ends. Shopping for me was cathartic.
Jump ahead 2 years.
I work and am damn proud of it! Sometimes I wish I was working up a sweat as a line cook somewhere. I could be the only woman in the kitchen, proving I could cook the pants off of the men...But hey, I'll take my pink collar job and the benefits for the time being.
After Lent ended last year...I lost my ability to shop. It just wasn't fun any more.
I began to view things in a different light.
The exploitation of the consumer through advertising.
Is my iPad worthless now because one with a camera is coming out? My iPad was perfectly fine 3 days ago.
The waste and excess.
Those $5 shirts from Target, cheap, yes. But where are they now? How many colors of nail polish does one person need?
When I moved back to Florida, I lost pretty much all of my worldly possessions. Except Pookie of course.
Besides a few boxes of childhood memories that never left my parents garage, a set of mixing bowls, my silverware, my Kitchen aid mixer, some DVDs, and maybe 30 books, There are only a few things I own that are older than 2 years old.
For a while after I moved I would be at Target and think, "Didn't I used to own that?"
Giving up my "Things" allowed me to start over.
I believe that in giving up shopping for fun last year, God freed me from the control that "Things" had over my life.
Yes, I created a pretend child to get free Amazon prime. (His name is Pookie birthday 02/06/2008)
Yes, I found my wedding band for $4.95 on Amazon and got all excited about the free shipping.
(And I found that not everyone sees the excitement in this)
Yes, I pledged to never spend more than $20 on an item of clothing.
Yes, I have only eaten lunch out at work 6 times in the last year.
But you know what,
I found an awesome Goodwill 25 minutes from my house, and have scored some awesome finds.
Realized that I can make granola myself that tastes 10X better than the pre-made stuff
And I have been able to donate money to causes and organizations that are important to me because of my savings in other areas of waste.
Perhaps frugality is not a spiritual gift. But for me it has been a blessing.
The Methodist Church is suggesting followers give up alcohol this year. (Yes, Methodists already take an anti-alcohol stance)
I don't see the reason behind giving up something that is not a personal struggle to ones self to be honest. Besides, my honeymoon falls during Lent!
So this year, I continue my quest to simplify my life and find ways to continue to save.
I tried to think I could avoid blogging about the attack on Planned Parenthood.
I really thought I could keep my mouth shut and avoid this.
I was on a news reading kick for a while...But I found myself constantly feeling nauseous, stressed out and on the verge of tears about the injustices in the world.
Everywhere you look, from both sides, attacks are being made on women...and my heart keeps breaking for them.
I have never been quiet about my pro-choice/pro-women stance/politics. I really feel these issues are "hush hush" because we choose for them to be. Sadly...I never learned the appropriate time to keep my mouth shut...Maybe that's part of my charm?! Ok...Not so much.
Doing some research this past week on women's healthcare (because I am a nerd and research public health for fun), I found that the Mirena IUD costs the company $4 to make. Insurance companies charge on average $700-$1200 just for the IUD, not including Dr's fees.
Planned Parenthood charges $500 total.
Women's health seems to take the worst toll in the area of for-profit medicine. Especially considering more insurance companies cover Viagra than adaquate coverage of birth control. I mean really! Humana covers a vasectomy better than they will cover an IUD. Really!
I want to believe that it's because they are greedy bastards and not because of the inequalities in gendered medicine...but sadly I would say it's probably both.
Earlier in the week I sat at home in fear because I was worried I had a concussion and in the past 12 months I have seen my ER copay go up from $75 to $200, while I pay more each month in insurance.
Did I mention Humana reported record profits last year?
As I sit here whining because my insurance is awful, I remain thankful that I do have insurance. Yes, I can not afford the overinflated co-pays, or afford to purchase the medicine I need through my insurace becuase of the insufficient coverage. Although, seeing that I am the most accident prone person I have ever met, I remain thankful that it's there if I need it.
When it comes to woman's preventitive health, birth control options, or obtaining emergency contraceptives, no woman should ever feel judged, or afraid that she won't be able to afford preventitive or reproductive care..And until that day, it does not seem feasible to deny funding to an organization that benefits so many American woman and men. Those with and without insurance.
So Planned Parenthood, If you are out there...Thank you for being awesome.
Your staff is made up of amazing women, who are working there because they are passionate about helping other women in need. You listen to patients needs and take them into consideration when providing treatment. You do not judge, lecture, or put your own financial gain first.
I really think the world needs more healthcare providers like you.
Love, Emi
Talking last night to "husband", I remembered my childhood love/hate relationship with The Game of Life.
I believe he is used to my nightly retelling of news stories I have read throughout the day, rantings on why the world is unfair to women and minorities, and my readings on the childfree movement.
What a trooper!
So he gets credit for this blog.
I started a new book last night, "Young Wive's Tales". A compilation of stories from various feminist and progressive female authors. Being fed up by sites like "The Knot", having refused to even glance at an issue of "Brides" magazine, this was an oasis in a desert of gender stereotypes and stores attempting to make a fast buck off of desperate newlyweds.
These traditional bridal media outlets minimize the significance of a lifetime commitment, all to look pretty on one day. An author in this book described getting engaged as "feeling like a sell-out". I honestly couldnt agree more.As a feminist, it's easy to feel this way I think. Perhaps why I am choosing to forgo much of the bridal consumeristic culture.
Another book I have recently picked up is "Cinderella Ate My Daughter". Read it!!!
O.k. I know you most likely wont, so I will sum it up in 3 sentences.
When you know a young male child, you tell him "You are so smart, clever, athletic, strong!"
When you know a young FEmale child, you tell her "You are so PRETTY!"
Thus reinforcing for the rest of her life that all she needs to be loved is to be attractive, case closed.
Don't even get me started on bridal barbie. Granted I always put my Barbie *shudder* in the sexiest cocktail dresses she had at all times. But then again, I don't believe I had a Ken. My Barbie had an entire harem of New Kids on the Block dolls to choose from.
That lucky bitch.
The Game of Life.
How this game is even still sold in stores I have no idea.
In case you have lived in a cave on the moon for the last 50 years, I shall summerize it.
Choose to go to college or not.
Get job and be assigned salary (and people call Obama a socialist?!)
Stop!!! Do not proceed in Life until you marry.
Be forced to have as many children as you land on. No one asked you what you want in Life right?
Pull random cards, blah blah blah.
At the end, add up all your money and see where you end up. (Poor house, Mansion...)
Maybe some people found this fun....?
This is how I remember a game of Life going as a pre-teen (they didn't call us that back then!)
Pull career card: "I want the rock star card" "Sorry, you got accountant" "But I hate math!!!"
STOP! Get married: "I don't want to get married!" "You have to, just put a blue peg in your car" "I don't like blue, I want a pink peg... Fine, but I'm not letting the blue peg sit in the car"
Congrats! A child: "I don't want a kid!" "You pulled the card, take a peg!"
I usually ended up with about 8 child pegs and would sulk and put them under the board.
There you have it. Life. The very meaning of human existance narrowed down into a 45 minute "family" board game. Even as a 12 year old, I was a cynic. Granted this is the same 12 year old who had a thing for George Orwell and did a book report on 1984.
(I adored growing up with an older brother whose book shelf I could raid.)
I am willing to admit I think too much. Life would be easier if I chose the easy route.
But I choose to stand up. How? I'm not quite sure.
There are a few things I have figured out about my future.
-I adore my "husband".
-Toy poodles make excellent children
-I look best as a blonde
-I cook because I have culinary training that shouldn't go to waste, not because I have a uterus.
-I would rather stand up, speak my mind, and be thought a fool than to keep quiet (and remove all doubt?)
*Thanks Lincoln :-)
Talking to a co-worker this morning about our dogs, sharing pictures like the proud parents we are, made me realize how much taking care of Pookie means to me. He will be 3 in the begining of February this year and has been there with me during some of the most trying times in my life.
For someone with the self described maternal insticts of a hamster, raising him from a six week old puppy has been such a rewarding experience.
I have had maybe 2 babysitting jobs in my life, the one aspect of this that interested me was the possibility of eating other peoples food. Most likely why there weren't many return offers.
As a child I had a doll, I remember telling people that I fed her hair to eat.
Thus concludes my experience in child rearing.
My story reads much like "Eat Pray Love". Although I refuse to read the book. (Did the world really need another book/movie about a woman who gets divorced and finds herself?) Not because it is "chick lit" and I have a personal ban on that. I admit I was intrigued when my step-mom complained how the author said something along the lines of "I don't want children in fear that they will grow up to be Republicans". (Now there is a book I could sink my teeth into!) But honestly...Why read it, when I lived it...all without taking a year off from work to spend thousands of dollars traveling?
I didn't go to Italy to discover food. In a former life I worked at Heaven on Seven in Chicago. Post-divorce I went on a diet and lost 90 pounds.
I didn't go to India to find God. One sleepless night I had a revelation that maybe there is a God after all, stumbled into a church in glamorous Lutz Florida and accepted Christ.
And I certainly didn't have to go to Indonesia to find love. That happened on it's own, as I was living my life, trying to be the best ME possible.
Yet before all this, before the journey of self discovery that changed the way I view the world and my sense of self...There was Pookie.
I went into a deep depression immediatly after I first got married when I was 21. I adopted him from a chinchila rescue in Kissimmee after finding him on http://www.petfinder.com/. He weighed 3/4 of a pound, his teeth weren't even in yet. Knowing that he needed me, that he relied on me to be fed and taken care of, was what got me out of bed in the morning.
Pookie was there for me when I got divorced, couldn't get a job, couldn't sleep, was making some pretty bad desicions.
He kept me company when I was lonely, stuck with me through all the emotional ups and downs, all without the fear that I might be doing him psychological damage that would cost him thousands of dollars in therapy later in life.
My fiance jokes about adopting Pookie so we will all have the same name.
My youngest brother (8) insisted "You're not his father! He's a dog!".
Wow....There is blended family drama with pets now?
Regardless of whose name Pookie has on the vet's paperwork, I look forward to having our little family together.
All this talk of puppies is making my biological dog clock tick. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18358378 (This breaks my heart!)
While I admit that I have no patience, chaos makes me nervous, and I don't do well when things don't go according to plan...
(So really? Why do people ask as soon as you are engaged when you plan on having children?)
The one thing I can always count on when I come home is Pookie running to the door in excitment, proceeding to run laps around the family room and then bringing me his favorite toy, like a child, proud to show me what he has been working on at school.
