My Love Letter to Planned Parenthood

I tried to think I could avoid blogging about the attack on Planned Parenthood.
I really thought I could keep my mouth shut and avoid this.

I was on a news reading kick for a while...But I found myself constantly feeling nauseous, stressed out and on the verge of tears about the injustices in the world.
Everywhere you look, from both sides, attacks are being made on women...and my heart keeps breaking for them.

I have never been quiet about my pro-choice/pro-women stance/politics. I really feel these issues are "hush hush" because we choose for them to be. Sadly...I never learned the appropriate time to keep my mouth shut...Maybe that's part of my charm?! Ok...Not so much.

Doing some research this past week on women's healthcare (because I am a nerd and research public health for fun), I found that the Mirena IUD costs the company $4 to make. Insurance companies charge on average $700-$1200 just for the IUD, not including Dr's fees.
Planned Parenthood charges $500 total.

Women's health seems to take the worst toll in the area of for-profit medicine. Especially considering more insurance companies cover Viagra than adaquate coverage of birth control. I mean really! Humana covers a vasectomy better than they will cover an IUD. Really!
I want to believe that it's because they are greedy bastards and not because of the inequalities in gendered medicine...but sadly I would say it's probably both.

Earlier in the week I sat at home in fear because I was worried I had a concussion and in the past 12 months I have seen my ER copay go up from $75 to $200, while I pay more each month in insurance.
Did I mention Humana reported record profits last year?

As I sit here whining because my insurance is awful, I remain thankful that I do have insurance. Yes, I can not afford the overinflated co-pays, or afford to purchase the medicine I need through my insurace becuase of the insufficient coverage. Although, seeing that I am the most accident prone person I have ever met, I remain thankful that it's there if I need it.

When it comes to woman's preventitive health, birth control options, or obtaining emergency contraceptives, no woman should ever feel judged, or afraid that she won't be able to afford preventitive or reproductive care..And until that day, it does not seem feasible to deny funding to an organization that benefits so many American woman and men. Those with and without insurance.

So Planned Parenthood, If you are out there...Thank you for being awesome.
Your staff is made up of amazing women, who are working there because they are passionate about helping other women in need. You listen to patients needs and take them into consideration when providing treatment. You do not judge, lecture, or put your own financial gain first.
I really think the world needs more healthcare providers like you.
Love, Emi

Just a player in the game of love?

Talking last night to "husband", I remembered my childhood love/hate relationship with The Game of Life.
I believe he is used to my nightly retelling of news stories I have read throughout the day, rantings on why the world is unfair to women and minorities, and my readings on the childfree movement.

What a trooper!

 So he gets credit for this blog.

I started a new book last night, "Young Wive's Tales". A compilation of stories from various feminist and progressive female authors. Being fed up by sites like "The Knot", having refused to even glance at an issue of "Brides" magazine, this was an oasis in a desert of gender stereotypes and stores attempting to make a fast buck off of desperate newlyweds.

These traditional bridal media outlets minimize the significance of a lifetime commitment, all to look pretty on one day. An author in this book described getting engaged as "feeling like a sell-out". I honestly couldnt agree more.As a feminist, it's easy to feel this way I think. Perhaps why I am choosing to forgo much of the bridal consumeristic culture.
Another book I have recently picked up is "Cinderella Ate My Daughter". Read it!!!
O.k. I know you most likely wont, so I will sum it up in 3 sentences.

When you know a young male child, you tell him "You are so smart, clever, athletic, strong!"
When you know a young FEmale child, you tell her "You are so PRETTY!"
Thus reinforcing for the rest of her life that all she needs to be loved is to be attractive, case closed.

Don't even get me started on bridal barbie. Granted I always put my Barbie *shudder* in the sexiest cocktail dresses she had at all times. But then again, I don't believe I had a Ken. My Barbie had an entire harem of New Kids on the Block dolls to choose from.
That lucky bitch.

The Game of Life.

How this game is even still sold in stores I have no idea.
In case you have lived in a cave on the moon for the last 50 years, I shall summerize it.

Choose to go to college or not.
Get job and be assigned salary (and people call Obama a socialist?!)
Stop!!! Do not proceed in Life until you marry.
Be forced to have as many children as you land on. No one asked you what you want in Life right?
Pull random cards, blah blah blah.
At the end, add up all your money and see where you end up. (Poor house, Mansion...)

Maybe some people found this fun....?

This is how I remember a game of Life going as a pre-teen (they didn't call us that back then!)

Pull career card: "I want the rock star card" "Sorry, you got accountant" "But I hate math!!!"

STOP! Get married: "I don't want to get married!" "You have to, just put a blue peg in your car" "I don't like blue, I want a pink peg... Fine, but I'm not letting the blue peg sit in the car"

Congrats! A child: "I don't want a kid!" "You pulled the card, take a peg!"
I usually ended up with about 8 child pegs and would sulk and put them under the board.

There you have it. Life. The very meaning of human existance narrowed down into a 45 minute "family" board game. Even as a 12 year old, I was a cynic. Granted this is the same 12 year old who had a thing for George Orwell and did a book report on 1984.
(I adored growing up with an older brother whose book shelf I could raid.)

I am willing to admit I think too much. Life would be easier if I chose the easy route.
But I choose to stand up. How? I'm not quite sure.

There are a few things I have figured out about my future.

-I adore my "husband".
-Toy poodles make excellent children
-I look best as a blonde
-I cook because I have culinary training that shouldn't go to waste, not because I have a uterus.
-I would rather stand up, speak my mind, and be thought a fool than to keep quiet (and remove all doubt?)
*Thanks Lincoln :-)

Beyond that....who knows.

The biological dog clock

Talking to a co-worker this morning about our dogs, sharing pictures like the proud parents we are, made me realize how much taking care of Pookie means to me. He will be 3 in the begining of February this year and has been there with me during some of the most trying times in my life.
For someone with the self described maternal insticts of a hamster, raising him from a six week old puppy has been such a rewarding experience.

I have had maybe 2 babysitting jobs in my life, the one aspect of this that interested me was the possibility of eating other peoples food. Most likely why there weren't many return offers.
As a child I had a doll, I remember telling people that I fed her hair to eat.
Thus concludes my experience in child rearing.

My story reads much like "Eat Pray Love". Although I refuse to read the book. (Did the world really need another book/movie about a woman who gets divorced and finds herself?) Not because it is "chick lit" and I have a personal ban on that. I admit I was intrigued when my step-mom complained how the author said something along the lines of "I don't want children in fear that they will grow up to be Republicans". (Now there is a book I could sink my teeth into!) But honestly...Why read it, when I lived it...all without taking a year off from work to spend thousands of dollars traveling?

I didn't go to Italy to discover food. In a former life I worked at Heaven on Seven in Chicago. Post-divorce I went on a diet and lost 90 pounds.

I didn't go to India to find God. One sleepless night I had a revelation that maybe there is a God after all, stumbled into a church in glamorous Lutz Florida and accepted Christ.

And I certainly didn't have to go to Indonesia to find love. That happened on it's own, as I was living my life, trying to be the best ME possible.

Yet before all this, before the journey of self discovery that changed the way I view the world and my sense of self...There was Pookie.

I went into a deep depression immediatly after I first got married when I was 21. I adopted him from a chinchila rescue in Kissimmee after finding him on http://www.petfinder.com/.  He weighed 3/4 of a pound, his teeth weren't even in yet. Knowing that he needed me, that he relied on me to be fed and taken care of, was what got me out of bed in the morning.

Pookie was there for me when I got divorced, couldn't get a job, couldn't sleep, was making some pretty bad desicions.
He kept me company when I was lonely, stuck with me through all the emotional ups and downs, all without the fear that I might be doing him psychological damage that would cost him thousands of dollars in therapy later in life.

My fiance jokes about adopting Pookie so we will all have the same name.
My youngest brother (8) insisted "You're not his father! He's a dog!".
Wow....There is blended family drama with pets now?
Regardless of whose name Pookie has on the vet's paperwork, I look forward to having our little family together.
All this talk of puppies is making my biological dog clock tick.
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18358378 (This breaks my heart!)

While I admit that I have no patience, chaos makes me nervous, and I don't do well when things don't go according to plan...
(So really? Why do people ask as soon as you are engaged when you plan on having children?)

The one thing I can always count on when I come home is Pookie running to the door in excitment, proceeding to run laps around the family room and then bringing me his favorite toy, like a child, proud to show me what he has been working on at school.

Hair all about it?

"This is the longest my hair has ever been!"
My common excuse for nervous twirling of hair or stray hairs that end up on my shirts.

O.k.
So it is currently about 1.5" past my shoulders (when straightened) but I am fascinated by the fact that I can wake up late and just throw it in a ponytail before work...O.k. most mornings.
The other day I got to wondering what it would look like blue/black. Like jet black.
In fact, all pure black (level 1) hair has a tint of blue to it.
My hair has been black before, but it was very short then. I once had platinum blonde hair with a black chunk of my bangs....But never long and all black.
Would people talk to me differently? Take me more seriously? Would I become moody and sulk about the injustices in the world (more than I already do?)

I am blonde. Not just in hair color, but in spirit, in nature.
It is my secret weapon. (She is interested in social justice, feminist theory and politics? She can barely walk in heels? She has an unnatural phobia of shopping malls?)

Working in a downtown public library with a "diverse clientele", yes, it makes me a target for strange looking men with prison tattoos.
Light blonde hair gets you stereotyped. O.k. so my excessive use of the word "cute" and the fact that I refuse to be seen without makeup on probably doesn't help my case.

Once upon a time, my hair was boy short. Not in a cute Natalie Portman way either.
Someone once offered me a free sample in a grocery store by saying "Young man!"
True story.

Wow...That was an awkward stage.

Let's just say there aren't many pictures from that time period.

So what is a girl to do?

This Summer James suggested I try my natural color. I tried to mix the color as an "ashy dark blonde". It was sad. A very depressing color. In some lights it looked a little green and made me look ill.
That was some bad hair. Well, including the fact I cut my bangs wet (yes I know better than that) and they were way too short.

The wedding is 98 days away. That is not enough time for hair mistakes.
98 days is not enough time to recover from blue/black hair. And I don't exactly see that as a long term deal that I would want in pictures.

For now I will remain blonde. Fabulously light blonde.

In case you didn't hear, this summer a container of powdered bleach spontaneously burst into flames and started a fire in my bathroom under the sink. Everyone was OK, I just learned a few lessons.

1. Don't leave hazardous chemicals under the sink for extended periods of time.
2. Yes, We will put something so dangerous on our heads and around our faces.
3. Tampons, makeup bags, and cotton balls are all very flammable.

The price of beauty...

Tune in and Tune out. Or just read 1 of these?

I remember being in around 5-6th grade and my older brother and I decided to make a point about quality time spent as a family, so we constructed a graph of time spent watching TV daily by our parents.
TV has acted like a drug in the past, but honestly I am too busy to even turn on my TV most months.

Yes I turn my nose up at TV viewing most of the time. Probably because shows like 2 1/2 Men are still on the air when programs like Arrested Development are barely given a chance.

I do not want a cable box in my new apartment. We have free cable. It is more out of principal. TV puts you out of control and takes away your ability to create, interact, or even socialize. Advertising instructs you what to buy, enjoy, and even how you should feel about your own self worth.
I am sure most people hate watching TV with me because I am a chronic TV/movie talker. I feel like I am wasting time "visiting" with someone if the TV is on and there is no actual interaction.

"Oh no! Why did he do that?!?"
"This plot is terrible!"
"Really?!? REALLY!?! This editing sucks!"

And if it isn't completely rude, I will attempt to read on my iPad or check email.

Doing nothing is something that I am awful at.
Today I was stopping to think of all of the TV shows I have given a chance for James...All while asking nothing in return. Nothing.
I have a fear of suggesting movies. I practically refuse to choose the music that plays in my own car when others are with me. Fear of rejection I suppose.
James has still not seen 2 out of my 3 favorite movies. (Moulin Rouge and Rocky Horror) Although I will not subject any straight man to the former. (The other is Fight Club and we would not be together if he didn't like that before we started dating)

For someone who is so open, so blunt and overly honest...Why am I so afraid to share what is important to me? Yup, fear of rejection.

But as I said...I don't watch TV.

I read books, write, study, craft, cook, bake, walk the dog.

These activities are a bit more difficult to get ones partner involved in. I did teach James the proper way to cut an onion. I doubt he remembers.
Ok...So I still don't know why I bought a 32" flat screen and that will probably be craigslisted shortly. That would end the debate of "Should there be a TV in the bedroom?"
See:     http://tvnz.co.nz/content/650268/2856650.html   (yes the article is from New Zealand, and about people in Spain. Do you think TV addicted Americans would publish this let alone do research on it?)

So here it is...
My book selections (Of my all time favorites that changed the way I think and made me who I am today).
All I am asking for is one book. I own most of them, so just ask me nice and you can borrow one. The library? Did you know they have more than just DVDs?

-Jonathan Franzen: The Corrections, Freedom.

Both of these books changed the way I see the world in unspeakable ways. I read the last page of The Corrections about 10 times crying the whole time. It is unspeakably amazing.

Freedom combines my love of population control, the environmental concerns of mountaintop removal mining, folk rock music, frightening Republican neighbors, a liberal slant, and memoir writing. (Yes, it's THAT good ;-) REEEEAD IT!

-Mary Roach: Bonk or Stiff

All of her books are amazing, but her scientific takes on both sex and corpses (OK, not together. Necrophilia is not cool) are the most interesting. Stiff is not for the squeamish.
So yes, read Bonk. I tried to explain the book to James on our first date but just ended up making him turn bright red. It's that good.
In my words "A scientific look at sex and it's cultural/consumer driven impact on society". Did you know they make fake silicon testicles for neutered dogs for owners who are that macho? Well they do, and if you read the book your head will be filled with other useless facts.

-John Irving: Cider House Rules

I don't care if you are pro-life or choice, READ IT! Don't watch the movie, that's not the point of this list. It will change the way you look at woman's rights (and ether) forever. You will know more about how illegal abortions were preformed in the early 1900's than you ever cared to know, but there is so much more to this amazing novel.

-John Kennedy Toole: Confederacy of Dunces, Neon Bible

Bet you thought Arcade Fire came up with that title themselves?!
He died so tragically young, like most great authors, and only wrote these two books.
Confederacy of Dunces is like Catcher in the Rye, only takes place in New Orleans. Imagine if Holden left prep school, tried to write a novel moved in with his controlling mother and turned out to be a fat lazy 30 something who loves hotdogs.

Wally Lamb: She's Come Undone

An amazingly true to life book about a high school/college age woman dealing with mental illness/weight/identity issues. You want to "get me"? Save yourself from talking to me extensively and just read the book. It sounds like a young adult fluff book, but it is amazingly researched about mental health, coming of age in the 1970's, Polish Catholic culture and so well written.

SOOooo many others!

1984/Animal Farm (How are there still people that haven't read Orwell?)

Siddartha

Brave New World

Rabbit, Run (Anything by John Updike)

In Cold Blood (I love you Mr. Capote...But you gave me nightmares for weeks)

I devoured Pillars of the Earth, but I know that most people aren't willing to commit to a 1,000 page
book.

For the ladies! Hahaha

The Beauty Myth: How images of beauty are used against women

The Body Project (SOoooo good! Well if you are into feminist books on how culture and society makes young women hate themselves)

I also have a weak spot for anything Steven King, David Sedaris, Chuck Pahlaniuk, Charlaine Harris, Anne Rice, Franz Kafka, the poetry of William Blake and Paul Celan, Non-fiction books on feminist theory/woman's rights/woman's body image issues and the impact in society.


I really hope most of you were forced to read these books in high school or college, or better yet, have already picked them up on your own. So if you need a good book, perhaps one of these will interest you.

I have spent my entire life hiding from making suggestion. I just can't do it. I can tell you my opinion all day, but ask me what movie to watch and I just can't answer that. Hopefully this list will break that bad habit and perhaps you will pick one up and thank me.


<3 Emi

Your love is a song...

After about 2 weeks of shameless flirting, my now fiance and I had our first date at the Florida State Fair. Neither of us had been before, but it turned out that we were both suckers for greasy food, people watching and making sarcastic observations (I knew it was something great when he shared my excitement at the Elvis impersonator world championship). Some of the first conversations we had were about music, bands we had seen, wanted to see, or simply couldn't stand. Asked early on by a mutual friend what our deal breakers were, I am pretty sure we both responded simultaneously with "listens to Nickleback".
Prior to dating James, I was going through a pretty awful music phase. Let's just say there was plenty of angry girl music involved. But seeing as he shared my love for Wilco, Sufjan Stevens, had also seen Travis in concert, and shared my belief that Pet Sounds is the best Beach Boys album (who would disagree?!?) I was willing to ignore him turning his nose up at my owning a Lady Gaga album (I bought it before she was as famous in my defense).
There are so many awesome memories I have in regards to music and "us". He still teases me because when he picked me up for our first date (the same date that my parents dog jumped out the door and attacked him but that's another story!) he was listening to Ray LaMontagne.
Well, his car stereo was scrolling "Ray LaMo" in my defense...So I ask "Oh, Is this Ray LaMo you are listening to?"

I am shocked I made it to a second date I was so embarrassed! (Although part of that was due to the fact that an English bulldog chomped on his hand and drew blood at my house)

Ray "LaMo" is now one of my favorite artists, and as I go through iTunes to help work on our wedding playlist, I look forward to hearing "You are the best thing" that evening, as it has made it's way on to a few mix tapes of ours.

We decided against a DJ for the wedding not just because it is going to be a rather small intimate event on the beach, or because I am a control freak (maybe a little?), but because there are so many songs that have meaning to us that making our own playlist just makes sense.

There is the song on the mixtape he gave me before we started dating and I had the biggest schoolgirl crush on him (obvious to EVERYONE in our church group I think) - Kyle Andrews, Sushi

The songs from the movie we watched that kind of made us think "This is it!". We went to see The Swell Season as our first concert together. - Swell Season, Falling Slowly

Then there are the songs that I can't even begin to explain...

The album Our Endless Numbered Days, Iron & Wine
Air, Venus
Travis, Flowers in the Window
Peter Bjorn and John, Paris 2004

After we had been dating for about a month we had an "iParty" and swapped mp3s on our computers.
About 45 gigs of music was exchanged between the two of us. For a month or so we were doing an "album of the day". James would pick an album he gave me and we would both listen to it on the way to work and discuss it. There are the bands we have seen in concert, do we include them? (Swell Season, Crowded House, The National, Sufjan Stevens)

I have "my songs" too. The ones that make me go "Awwww". Do I include those?
Josh Ritter, Change of Time
Damien Rice, Blower's Daughter
She & Him, I'm gonna make it better (Yes, I can be a bit eager to please)

Music has had such an important role in our relationship. From the fake "all-star group" we created when stuck in traffic to the songs that define our relationship and who we are as a couple, there is no way to break that down into a 3 hour playlist.

There is no doubt that I am an emotional person. I listen to music 90% of my waking hours and keep a pair of spare headphones in my desk at work. I heard the old hymn "Come Thou Fount" twice in two different settings over the past 2 days and at church this morning I almost started crying.
This Spring when I gave my testimony at church and spoke at 3 services, it was the song that was played as I left the "stage".
Music ties us to our emotions and can be amazingly powerful at times. I think of the impact that these 45 gigs have had over the past 10 months since I met James and I just don't think the chicken dance would be able to explain what an amazing adventure this has been.


<3
Emi

So this is Christmas...

I cannot say that I have had a traumatic childhood experience involving a beloved commercial Christmas character, or anything as outrageous as what Augusten Burroughs describes. Nor are my childhood Christmas memories as quirky as those of David Sedaris (see his book "Christmas on Ice"). Yet I maintain this anti-Santa outlook on December 25th, which I am willing to admit does little except make me look bitter and hateful. This is not a commentary on why you should "keep Christ in Christmas!" because while it is a Christian holiday first and foremost, the majority of holiday traditions most American households seem to celebrate have no biblical pretense. In fact, based on astronomy, scientists have determined that Jesus was most likely born sometime in August.
Yes it is a bit sad that a major religious holiday has been transformed into something that is most easily identified by a man in a red suit most likely made famous in the United States by Coca Cola.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas trees, giving gifts, baking, and gingerbread men, but there are many commercial aspects of the holidays that I am just not comfortable with. I am aware that this is coming from someone who put the donkey statue in place of the baby Jesus statue in the manger.
Whether one chooses to observe "Santa", Rudolph, or any other character used by Macy's to promote holiday shopping is a personal choice.

I took a class in the "Psychology of Love" last semester. It turned out to basically be a workshop for couples on relationships and how to tell if you were "in love" versus infatuated. Conveniently enough this class spanned months 3-6 of James and I dating. I can guarantee he was glad when that semester was over! A common start of a sentence for me was "I learned in love class...".
Well one of the things I did learn in "love class" was that it is a good idea to date for at least 2 birthdays before you even decide to commit.
Obviously we have decided to not take this advice, but I understand where the professor was coming from. We learned from our birthdays that we had different ideas of how to celebrate, yet why should this be any different with Christmas?

Would one person's "pro-Santa" attitude cause a problem for the "anti-Santa" person?
Does one person watch Frosty the Snowman "religiously" on Christmas eve?
What about gifts? What is appropriate?
What defines excess and greed? How do we give back to our church/community?

The answer I am learning with all of these issues is the same as any other difference in beliefs of values. A healthy dose of communication and compromise.

I am realizing the need to ask the questions,

What traditions are important to you?
How are we doing gifts?
Stockings?
What holiday foods do you enjoy?

As I grow as a Christian and try to embrace the religious meaning of the holiday season, I look forward to my first Christmas with James as we create our own holiday traditions.
There may be reindeer involved...I can't really say.

But I can say one thing...there will be snacks.